I’ve fallen in love with this place for a bunch of reasons … reasons that I’ve outlined in posts past.  And yes, while some of the more superficial reasons include the very awesome music and the numerous beautiful ladies, the real reasons are matters of the spirit: I’m learning so much about who God is and what a relationship with him looks like.

Our pastor Josh Stump is a pretty intense guy.  He’s declared that September is going to be a month of FASTING for our church.  Not from food, but from SOMETHING.  I grew up Catholic, so I kinda get this.  It’s like Lent … the 40 days before Easter.  Except this time, it’s in September.  I’m really excited about this.  In simple terms, the idea is to give up something in our lives in order to make more room for a relationship with God, not to mention clarity on what this coming year is going to look like.  I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use some clarity.

One of my friends is giving up paying for food.  Another one is giving up social networking of every kind.  My problem is that I don’t know what I should give up.  So …

I know these kinds of things are supposed to be deeply personal, but I just need ideas.  Have you ever made a Lent resolution that really impacted you?  Or challenged you big time?  Heck, it could even be a New Years’ Resolution.

I remember I gave up Coca-Cola for a whole year once.  That was pretty awesome.  But I think it’s gotta be deeper than that.  Any tips?

Also, how do you feel about doing this kind of thing in Fall?  With Autumn being a season of intense change (school, moving away for college) anyway, I think it’s kinda appropriate.  What do you think?

–

francy

Usually that kind of thing makes people like me all red-faced and furious.  But I surprised myself this morning.  I was Mr. Cool.  I didn’t say the f-word once.

–

I’ve been learning a lot about “identity” lately.  I’ve been learning that there’s a version of ourselves that we think we are and another version of ourselves that we’re supposed to be becoming.  And the idea is that somebody out there – you can call it the Universe or whatever you want, I call it God – is constantly trying to transform us into the latter.

I’d never really thought about this, but here’s where it started for me: A couple months ago, my friend Kevin told me that I’m a pretty negative person.  Uh… I always thought of myself as a pretty positive person?  But he said: “You’re always so down on yourself.  I think you need to start trying to see the blessings in situations, instead of the curses.”  He suggested that this would start me on the process of becoming “who I really am”.

I didn’t really know how to take that.  Situations are either good or bad, I thought.  For example: Getting money in the mail?  Good.  Getting bills in the mail?  Bad.

–

I’ve blogged about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer before.  I relate to that guy.  Especially the claymation version because he’s super cute.  He saw his red nose as a giant curse in his life, until it turned out to be a giant blessing.  That’s the best example I’ve got.

In my own life, the biggest example of seeing the blessing in the curse is my stutter – because it’s proven to have a silver lining time and time again.  But I blog about all that all the time.  So beat a dead horse I will not.

–

3 years ago, my dad bought me a little air compressor from Home Depot.  I love that thing.  It has a home right under the front passenger seat of my van.

When I discovered my flat tire this morning, instead of getting red-faced and saying a bunch of words that my grandma wouldn’t like, I realized how blessed I am to have an air compressor with me everywhere I go.  I saw the blessing hiding within the curse and … and I guess I got a little glimpse of the version of myself that I’m supposed to be turning into.

–

So, what’s the moral of the story?  I guess it could be chalked up to something like: Not all flat tires are bad news.  But then again, maybe it’s all a big coincidence.  Maybe I’ve just been getting really good sleep lately and that’s why I’m suddenly “a better person”.

Flat tires make people late for things everyday.  Job interview.  Classes.  Hot dates.  Lucky me didn’t have anything planned on this particular Tuesday, but in one of those situations, I probably wouldn’t have been so in touch with this elusive “other identity that I’m supposed to be turning into”.  Is that making sense?

What do you think?  Do you agree that there are 2 versions of people:  The person we think we are vs. the person we’re supposed to be?

Is it just a matter of eating right and sleeping well?  Or, like my friend and church have been saying, is it a spiritual thing?  What kind of part does God play in all this?

I guess it’s a bit of a Holy Grail after all: “How to be a better person”.  Which explains why self-help books are so popular.  I don’t read those books.  Huh.

I guess the only thing I know for sure is … you should go buy yourself an air compressor!

–

francy

–

Last week, a movie called Inception hit theatres. Here’s what I posted to Twitter after seeing it:

“Run, don’t walk, to see Inception this weekend. It will exceed your highest expectation.”

Apparently I liked it. If you have even the slightest affectation for the sci-fi or adventures genres, treat yourself and see this movie.  You can see the trailer here.

But this isn’t just a movie review so please stay with me. I’m going somewhere with this: In the film, “inception” is this notion that highly trained operatives can enter a subject’s dreams and plant an idea there – in his/her subconscious – which, upon the subject’s waking, starts developing into a thought process that changes his or her life.

Dreams have fascinated me for a long time. I believe that dreams are usually, simply put, “our subconscious trying to tell us something”. But has it ever gone deeper than that for you? Have you ever had a dream, which, upon your waking, causes you to make changes in your life? Have you ever felt like you’ve fallen victim to inception?

I was in the middle of my first year at University at Waterloo in 2004. I’d been bouncing back and forth between staying in school or pursuing a career in music. I had a dream: I was in the parking lot of my high school, and I was late for a concert that I was to play. From my car’s trunk I pulled a guitar case and a trombone case. I was to choose: What instrument do I play for this concert?

I chose the trombone at first. But when I picked up the trombone, it was like it was made of tin foil. As it crumpled and folded in my hands, I tried in vain to hold it together but before too long, it fell like soggy newspaper to the pavement. With nothing else to play, I grabbed my guitar … and headed into the concert.

I understood the dream immediately after I woke up. Having been in the concert band in high school, brass instruments had come to represent “academics” to me for some reason. So, in the dream, the guitar represented my passion for music and the concert represented my future. The trombone represented university and it didn’t prove to be very sturdy.

Believe it or not, it was that dream that started the thought process that led to my quitting school. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I’d have stayed in University instead, had I not had that dream.

Inception in real life!

Do dreams come strictly from the subconscious? I doubt that Ellen Page snuck into my room that night to manipulate my dream in order to change my life. (That’s not to say I wouldn’t welcome a dream with Ellen Page, Inception’s “Architect”, in it … Hellooooooo Nurse!) But, as a guy who believes in God, I do believe that sometimes God has his creative hands in our dreams. Is that crazy? Maybe I’m crazy.

I’m interested in what you have to say, readers. Have you ever had a dream like the one I described? A dream that caused you to think about things differently? To take a leap of faith? Where do you think these kinds of dreams come from?

Are you going to see Inception? If you have, what did you think of it? Does it top the director’s last … ahem … masterpiece, The Dark Knight?

… Have you ever had a dream that changed your life?

–

francy

I’ve fallen in love with a church called The Anchor here in Nashville.  I like it so much because it’s a bit of a misfit church: On Valentine’s Day, the church’s women’s ministry went to a strip club and gave Valentines to the dancers.  That’s the best way I can describe it to you.

This church has played a big part in what I can only describe as a cosmic chain of events that has been making me into a different person.

–

If you read this blog now and then, you know that I’m in Nashville trying to get my music career to “the next level”.  I came down here with drive and a plan to make things happen on my own.  I succeeded to a point but, around May-ish, I hit a wall.  Everything I tried to do with Hello Kelly (tours, bookings, seeking management, etc.) would fizzle out or get trampled on.

I was exhausted and frustrated.  A very familiar feeling to me over the past couple years.

It can be summed up in these lyrics from a song my brother Adam wrote called The Burn:

There’s so much I need to learn and I don’t know if I can
I’m stuck on the same thing that I’ve been stuck on always
Whenever I look at myself now, I see the same man I saw back then
The same problems and no more wisdom

Every step I take, I take two backwards
And I expected more
How many times must I learn my lesson
Before it strikes a chord?

I feel like I’ve been dodging that lesson for years but, about a month ago, it finally struck me like a sledge hammer to the chest.  I cried like a baby.

This post is about to delve into a bit of a personal, faith-based realm now, so if you’re not down with that, feel free to read about hypothetical (and hyper-silly) Inflatable Swimwear HERE instead of me.

I was in a service at The Anchor and I heard God speak.  There was no burning bush or glowing angel.  But I heard it just the same.  This voice said something along the lines of: “Your plan isn’t working and you know it.”

It was right.  I’ve been spinning my wheels.

–

The bridge in that song goes like this:

Will I ever learn?
Or do I love the burn?

To me, the burn is the work we do: the grind, the dream, the plan.  In my life, it’s music.

A couple months ago, I wrote THIS POST.  In it, I said: “I feel like I’m in a new Season now.  Many things are different, but the biggest different thing is my heart.  I feel like the curtain has closed and opened again.”

That night at church, I prayed a prayer that amounted to this: “Take my plans and my stupid destinations because I don’t want them anymore.”  I have difficulty saying things every day because of my stutter, but those words were some of the most difficult I’ve ever uttered.  Not because of any speech impediment, but because I’ve found so much of my identity for the last 5 years in what I’m doing with music and what I’ve accomplished.

I used to think that “spiritual intimacy” was locking myself up in a room with a candle and a Bible.  I’m learning that it’s much simpler than that.

I’ve never felt so excited, passionate and confident about my future, and this is the irony: It’s because, for once, I don’t think I really care where I end up.  Strangely enough, ever since I’ve started learning these things, things have turned around for Hello Kelly but that’s another post for another day.

I’m still broke.  I’m still far from home.  I’m still super confused about what it is I’m supposed to be working on.  But I’m still here.  This could still definitely go anywhere, and I feel like this new perspective is exactly what I was missing.

–

For those of who’d been waiting for an update from me, I hope this suffices.  For those who’ve been encouraging me to blog more, I will do my best.  For those wondering when the new Hello Kelly CD will be released … We’re starting to say October pretty officially ’round these parts.

–

So I don’t really feel like the same person these days, but I’ve never felt better either.  We’ll see where this goes.

–

francy

It’s 30+ degrees … It kinda leaves me wondering how a flood could ever hit, but I know that I don’t understand the first thing about weather.  Also, when I was out yesterday, I stumbled on a section of town that had been affected, and it all became real to me.  Not photos this time.  Like, real-life.

The water was gone, but there was dirt everywhere.  A couple cars were strewn across the roads, covered in dirt … Obviously previously completely or mostly submerged.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that car won’t be driving anywhere anymore.  That simple thought really opened my eyes.

I get upset if one of my $15 DVDs get scratched and is reduced to garbage.  I couldn’t imagine if my VAN was suddenly reduced to a pile of garbage.  Let alone a house.

Or a thriving business: Country Stars Are Reeling After Nashville Flooding.

“Losses in the tens of … *ahem* MILLIONS … dollars?”  What happened to “A little rain never hurt anybody?”  And flood insurance … Before this, I would have laughed at the notion of flood insurance.  Facepalm, indeed.

Here’s something I didn’t know that my bandmate George told me:  Apparently when a flood happens, the water isn’t just water.  There’s an immense amount of crap in it (sometimes literally) that makes it pretty destructive to … anything.  So it’s not like somebody just left a gigantic tap running resulting in a mess that a million hair dryers could fix.  This is legit damage which requires affected materials to be removed, destroyed and completely rebuilt.

I heard the Grand Ol’ Opry won’t be fully repaired until at least December.

Before coming down to Nashville this time, my friend @ChrisFromCanada, having heard that Nashville’s #1 need was bottled water, made some phone calls and filled my van with 50 cases of water.  Every wondered what 50 cases of water looks like in one place?  The photo’s tiny, but you get the point:

The flood has led to a water restriction in Nashville, and I think that’s the reason they need bottled water so bad.  I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to pick up some groceries and there was more bottled water than I’d ever seen in my life.  It was EVERYWHERE.

It made me feel like the water Orangeville, ON sent wasn’t really needed – but then I remembered that the water Orangeville, ON sent was also FREE water.  And to people whose homes/cars/workplaces have been nullified, FREE water is like manna from Heaven.

So … Well done, Orangeville, ON – for responding to a need before much of the world knew it had even happened.

And Godspeed, Nashville and your people.  I know I’m not the only one waiting for new country song … “(Lost My Truck) Bought a Boat”.  (Too soon?  … too soon.)

–

francy

This time, I’m driving right into a bit of a frenzy.  On Monday, a flash flood hit Nashville.  Granted, it’s not the kind of flash flood America saw a couple years ago, but still – many homes, cars & businesses have been ruined … and people are left scratching their heads, wondering what to do next.

You can Google it – I’m not gonna waste time telling you about it because I don’t really know that much.

Here’s what I DO know … I’m heading to Nashville on Wednesday evening to continue to chase my rock & roll dream.  But … I have a big van, so I might as well use it.

If you can spare the following items, e-mail me at hellofrancy@gmail.com and tell me where I can come pick them up:

Tents, tarps, ropes, dehumidifiers (Nashville is sold out), socks, underwear (umm … NEW), canned foods, other toiletries, blankets, sleeping bags …

I have a BIG van, so don’t be shy.  My church down there, The Anchor, is being a bit of a champion in helping people out.  I’m pretty much going to unload all of your donated items at the church and let them take care of the rest.

I’m leaving tomorrow night, so we don’t have much time.

Let’s do it, Southern Ontario.  We all like camping.  We all have too much camping gear.  Let’s give some away.

–

francy

–

Today I turned 25 years old.  I’m trying to just embrace my new age but the truth is that it IS a little stressful to hit a milestone like 25.  Why?  Because I’m such an ambitious guy and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find the time to do everything I want to do with my life …

When confronted with all of the things I want to get done in life, this is sometimes how I feel:

–

In the middle of George Wong’s apartment, there’s a cork board hanging on a wall.  On the cork board, George has Post-It notes with goals written on them, pinned to the board.  I read some of these goals and was taken with curiosity …

He said that he’s a dreamer and wants his life to mean something.  (I think we can all relate.)  He explained how most people never achieve their dreams because they feel too much like dreams: Vague, unattainable, unrealistic.  ”So,” he explained, “the cork board is where I translate my dreams into GOALS.”  Goals go on the cork board, he said, because you don’t erase goals & dreams – and you can’t erase cork board.  Just put stuff up and take it down.

Some of George’s goals were: “Visit all the continents”, “Write a book” and “Go on tour”.  I consider it an honour that George was able to take that last goal off the board after touring with Hello Kelly.

Beside the cork board, there’s also a dry erase board.  This one can be erased and drawn over because, let’s face it, the path to our goals will evolve and change over time.  That’s where the brainstorming happens.  The ideas.  That “what-ifs”.

So the planning (dry erase board) gets you closer to yours goals (cork board) which is how you measure your dreams.

George is a smart guy.  One of his goals is to write a book … and I think he should write a book about his cork board.

–

Today, on my 25th birthday, I’ve been thinking about my own figurative cork board.  I came up with some Post-Its of my own … Quite a few actually, but I’ve narrowed it down to 5 (in no particular order) for the sake of this blog post.

5. Be part of a sold out tour.

4. Be a writer on a TV show for a season.

3. Publish a book.

2. Be a motivational “speaker”. ( … more on this later.)

1. Learn sign language.

–

Will my life be a failure if I don’t take all of these Post-Its off of my cork board before I die?  Of course not.  I’m sure I’ll get a wife and kids some day and my priorities will change.  And maybe new goals will come up along the journey … I don’t think it’s a bad thing to dream so much that your cork board gets too small …

I’ll have to double check with George on this but I’m pretty sure the point isn’t how many Post-Its you put up … but how many you manage to pull down before you bite the dust.

–

My girlfriend Beth always encourages me to remember what I’ve accomplished instead of getting down on what I haven’t accomplished.  At 25, I’ve already done some crazy cool things: Recorded and released a bunch of music, toured all across North America, attended university, written two TV pilots and met a lot of great friends along the way.  And I am proud of all that.

But at 25, I’m not going to stop.  And while I’m on the topic, I don’t think anybody should stop.  A couple years ago, my dad started the company he’s always talked about starting.  Six years ago, after talking about being a teacher for years and years, my mom put in the work and got to be one.  In that movie Up in the Air … that one guy gets fired and … doesn’t he become a chef or something?

Anyway … You get the point.

What do your Post-Its say?  If you’re over 25, what can I expect this year?

–

francy

Is anybody with me?

If you know me, you know that I want to write TV someday.  I don’t have time to go to school for that, so I read books.  I have an embarrassingly large collection of “How To Write TV” books.

Something I’ve picked up along the way is the importance of Season Finales and Season Premieres.  Just like every episode has a conflict, theme, arc and resolution … so does every Season – only the strokes are much bigger.  Writers set themes up in the Premiere and, after 20 or so episodes, finally RESOLVE them in the Season Finale – and (if they’re good), set up a Cliffhanger so we come back for the NEXT Season Premiere several months later.

I finally understand how to measure the seasons of life: Like TV.

–

I started this blog, Tonguetwisted Ink, in October 2009.  My initial goal was to tell the story of a songwriter/storyteller trying to chase an impossible dream in music – through the framework of struggling with a twisted tongue.  The story I’ve told up until now has been an island.  One season.  Let me explain.

–

In October, I set out to record a new CD and put together a new band.

I accomplished those goals – something I seriously doubted that I would be able to do.  In the midst of it all, I met a pretty girl with perfect teeth and, in a surprising break with tradition, she liked me back.  While touring Ontario, that girl visited  from Vancouver and we were able to spend some time together.  Sounds like a pretty fantastic Season Finale to me.

But then … I had to leave again.  She flew back to Vancouver, where she lives, and I drove back to Nashville, a city where Hello Kelly is nothing but another band.  I dropped my bandmates off at their apartments and sat there in my van, in a parking lot …

Fade to black.

–

I could almost hear the writers of my existence discussing: “Yeah, pretty good season, guys.  He’s got the band, he’s got the girl.  The tour’s over.  Now … How can we rip him apart even MORE in this next Season?”

–

When I watch Season Premieres on TV, whether it’s Chuck, 24, The Office or Teen Titans, I love getting the feeling of: “Oh my gosh, nobody was prepared for this.  So much is the same, but so much is different.  This season could go anywhere!”

–

I feel like I’m in a new Season now.  Many things are different, but the biggest different thing is my heart.  I feel like the curtain has closed and opened again:

I have a girlfriend but she’s 2,500 miles away.  I have 3 new bandmates that are like brothers to me but we need shows, a manager, money.  I’m starting 2 new projects but have no idea how to tackle them or measure their success.  I’m turning 25 in 19 days and I’m not sure how I’ll deal with being quarter of a century old.  I’m in a city I don’t know and, to save on rent, I’m sleeping in my van.

…

–

Have you ever had a moment like this in your life?  Would you please the tell the story in a comment?  I would count it a privilege to read that story.  Are you, like me, in the middle of that moment right now?  Whether it’s the end of college, the end of a job, the end of a relationship, or just the melancholy feeling that one journey is over and a new one is beginning … Tell the story?

Intimidating as all of this is, there’s really just one thing to say …

This Season could go anywhere!

–

francy

I’ve led worship at 247 a couple times now.  But never with Hello Kelly.  Hello Kelly plays original music in any music venue that will tolerate our loud drums and slithery synths.  I write and sing about faith sometimes, but that’s not the focus of the band.  The focus of the band is to encourage, empower and challenge “Kelly” (our listeners) to sink their teeth into life.  That’s deeply connected to faith and God, but leading worship isn’t something that Hello Kelly focuses on.

However, as I’ve said in past posts, I think it’s important for bands to be adaptable -- and being available to lead worship is, in theory, another service that a band like Hello Kelly can offer in order to stay busy on the road.  And sure, leading worship on Sunday with Hello Kelly was a good way to start figuring out how viable that service would be in the future … but that isn’t the reason I agreed to do it.

The reason in three-fold: 1. I wanted us to play together in a different context than usual, 2. I wanted the guys to attend my church and see why I like it so much, 3. I wanted the four of us to share the responsibility of leading people in worship.

It went AMAZING.

In the past, when I’ve led worship at 247, we haven’t had a ton of time to prepare week-by-week, so sometimes it’s difficult to put together super dynamic sets, transitions, etc. with only limited time.  (That being said, the tech and music people at 247 do an incredible job of crunching and pulling it together beautifully every week.  I’m not a fan of flashy churches, knee-deep in technology -- but, amidst all the lights and subwoofers, there’s a spirit of humility at 247 that I really respect.)

The point is that leading worship with Hello Kelly at 247 was different because we WERE able to take some time to prepare properly.  Could we have prepared more?  Absolutely.  But I was VERY pleased with how everything turned out.  It’s easy to fall into the position of thinking it’s OUR responsibility to lead people in worship.  But there was one song in our set list that jolted me out of that mindset …

Our setlist was:

Song of Hope

Everlasting God

Surrender

Here I Am to Worship

Beautiful Things

Beautiful Things is a song by Gungor.  It was introduced to me by my friend Chris Vacher.  He couldn’t have been more enthusiastic about this song and when I (finally) listened to it, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I’m breaking my “no YouTube during Lent” rule to show you

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqy1a_Gz0zQ

The lyrics talk about God creating beautiful things out of the dust, the destruction, the pain … out of us.  And after rehearsal on Sunday afternoon, I was praying about the service and that song kept rolling over in my song.  In hindsight, I think God was trying to tell me: “Don’t forget: You just strum the guitar.  You’re the not the point.  I’m the point.”  Humbling.

When we got around to playing Beautiful Things that night, I could feel an intense energy throbbing in the place.  It was slightly crazy.  I had to fight back tears as I sang the song -- I almost didn’t make it through verse 2.  My bandmates said they didn’t need to watch me for the cues.  We all agreed that it was like we were all being controlled by a gigantic puppeteer in the ceiling.  That was some “You’re not the point” related craziness, indeed!

--

Will Hello Kelly continue to lead worship?  Probably occasionally.  I think it’s important for the band to focus on what it does well -- which is play rock shows to “Kelly”.  But I definitely relished the opportunity to play in that context with my new guys.  And from time to time, maybe on Sunday when our schedule forces us to skip church, I think we might put Beautiful Things into our original set.

By the way … go download/buy/steal Beautiful Things by Gungor.  If you steal it, then give it to somebody else too.  Dang, that song is beautiful.  Every time I hear it, something new is revealed to me.  In the context of Tonguetwisted Ink, it’s intimidating and slightly crazy that God can take a humble writer a twisted tongue like me and give me  a platform from which to speak/write/communicate.  The possible springing up out of the impossible -- that’s a Beautiful Thing.

--

We’re playing 4 shows this weekend and it’s going to be hyper fun but super exhausting.  I’m so glad that I’m posting again.  I’ve missed sharing my thoughts on Tonguetwisted Ink.  I have a very long list of things I’ve been meaning to blog about … so I have some catching up to do!

--

francy

I started this blog in Fall 2009 to tell the story of my move to Nashville to record a new Hello Kelly album, put together a new group of guys and (in theory) take over the world with rock & roll.  I’ve done the first 2 of those things … the last one is pending.  In late February, my drummer Ben, my guitarist Travis, my bassist George and I crammed into a rehearsal space in Nashville, TN and logged 50 hours in 5 days.  We learned old & new Hello Kelly songs and, when that was done, we loaded into my van, and hauled up to Ontario.

For the month of March, we’ve been touring Ontario on the INTENSITY IN 10 CITIES TOUR also featuring To Tell.  So far we’ve played North Bay, Scarborough, Welland, Oakville and Mount Forest.  Every show has been a TON of fun and we’re getting better and better.  (So is ToTell.  If you haven’t checked them out yet, make sure you do.  They’re releasing a new record soon … I’ve heard some of the new material – they’re the kind of songs that make me jealous because I wish I’d written them!)

It’s been a busy and hectic month … And I’ve been so distracted with rehearsals, driving, playing shows and bonding with my band by playing Goldeneye for Nintendo 64 … that I haven’t had much time to blog.  At all.

But that’s going to change.  Now that the band is on it’s feet again and playing shows, my headspace has been cleared and I can be a writer again.  Expect reviews for 24, Chuck and How I Met Your Mother from time to time.  Expect a review for the Our Lady Peace concert I attended last night.  (Oh.My.Gosh!)  Expect news about my personal life, my quest as a fiction writer, the adventures of Hello Kelly … and more.

Thanks for your patience, and thanks for reading!

–

francy